Hello bloggers. It has been a long time since I've written and the main reason in writing this post is as a open my heart tell all. This is not easy for me, but I feel like it's something I need to do.
For those out there who don't know, I've been going to therapy for nearly three months, originally to help me through anger with my dad and being raped(I never really dealt with it). However; when it came down to it I wasn't healthy emotionally and I had to dive into past issues that have effected me deeply and I've been working through all of those. I'm saying this to get to one issue that I thought I had overcome. One being I had issues lying in the past, and they weren't always little lies, sometimes they were huge out there lies. I never made a big deal of this past to current friends, however I do remember telling at least my best friend that I had HAD issues in the past, and I thought I told a couple other friends also. Moving on, I've learned with going to therapy that I would do that because I was so insecure and down that I would just act before I would really think. I haven't done that in years, and I am deeply sorry that I can no longer say it's been years since I have. Monday morning I told probably the worst lie I could've ever told and it hurt quite a few people and I did something I always had issues with. I owned up to it last night. I'm not a perfect person, never have been but had a momentary lapse of judgement and let my insecurity and loneliness( not from a guy but just feeling lonely) take over and had a horrible relapse. In owning up to this lie, I realize I may lose friendships and that's something I can understand because it was so hurtful. I can not expect people to just forgive me immediately however, after telling my best friend, whom I was most terrified I would lose with this, she forgave me and was understanding. I can honestly say, I know I don't deserve her forgiveness, however my best friend Nicole, has always been one of those people you'd pray to have in your life. I'm beyond grateful that she would still be here for me. I know I'll have to regain her trust, but I know I can. That's why I'm getting help, to help be ther person I was made to be, to NEVER make these kinds of mistakes again, and to never hurt those I love again.
I want those to know that were effected by this lie to know how deeply sorry I am, and that I truly believed I was strong enough to not give in to the emotions I was feeling. I also want you all to know this will NEVER happen again. I mean that with every fiber in my being, because the thought of losing those that I truly love over being ignorant and letting stupid insecurities get in the way. Those of you that I've already spoken too, and have been understanding of this...I want you to know how deeply touched and grateful I am to have been blessed to have y'all in my life. I know that forgiving something this bad isn't easy, however I'm thankful to know who my true friends are that will stand by my side even at my worst, and I repeat, I will never do this to any of you again.
This has not been easy for me to write because this is part of my journey toward getting healthy emotionally; If anyone reading this has ever had issues with the same or dealing with emotional struggles you are not alone. Even though I've made progress I'm still a work in progress.
Taking steps in the right direction.
Tiffany Leigh
No comments:
Post a Comment