University.

Hello blog world.

How is everyone doing on this wonderful Friday? I hope you are all doing well. Me? I'm losing my mind slowly. Why you ask? I'm trying to determine the best place for me to transfer to finish my university. Of course I'll need to visit whichever campus I'm looking into, and one just keeps pulling me.... and I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified...

It's in another state, and I would only know one person there...but that's all a part of the growing up process. Taking leaps of faith, going the distance to pursue your dreams. Dreams are not meant to be easy, this I know for certain. My dreams are what drives me. My love for writing, the creative process behind it and my romantic heart drive me everyday. It's the days where I can sit with my pen/pencil and paper or on the laptop where I'm happiest. Whether I'm writing on my blog, in my journal or on a simple idea that's popped into my head. The dream is there, has always been there, but fear seems to get in the way more often than not.

The fear of not succeeding, the fear of denial, the fear of letting those I love down for any reason. It creeps up on me like a killer in a horror movie. Waiting in the darkness to take me into that oblivion that is my blackhole. I've had to a lot of up and down roller coaster rides when it comes to fear. Trying my damnedest not to let it win, and sometimes my strength isn't what I'd like for it to be. I can say lately, I've been having an ongoing fight with fear about this subject. I keep telling myself, "I can do this! I can apply and visit and take this journey to where I want to go in life!" I have to have little talks with myself to keep my mind positive sometimes, and I suppose today is one of those days I'm having to have that conversation with myself.

All this looking up information and figuring out how much financial aid I'll need is so overwhelming, exciting, and as I said earlier, terrifying. It's beginning to feel very real, and the next step after I finish all the research is  talking to my counselor at TCC and figuring out what classes will transfer and everything else.

My best friend Nicole is finishing up her big step into the Navy and seeing her taking her final steps to go is pushing me to finish my steps for school. Her support during this process has been amazing and without her...gosh I don't know. Sometimes I wonder how I got along with having her in my life. haha. I'm dead serious. She and I have gotten so close over the past couple months, and I can't imagine not having her in my life. So Nicole, if you are reading this, I love you girl and thank you for being your CRAZY self and putting up with my craziness!! :)

Alright, so I suppose I'm down with this post now. I still have a little research to finish...hopefully my brain will not explode! haha.

later blog world.

Tiffany Leigh

Not myself...

Hello blog world.

Well I seem to be in a funk today. I woke up after an AMAZING dream, I mean literally the kind of dream you truly don't want to wake from, and then when I did...I didn't quite...feel myself. Which is odd to say the least. I had a great day yesterday with my sister and my nephew. Yes, we drove all over creation, but it was nice to see both of them after not seeing them for a couple weeks. Liam turns 1 on Monday, and we are having his BIG party on Saturday.

ANYWAY, back to what this post is about...after this dream I awoke feeling odd. Truly not myself in the least...I had all these plans to do research and such before work and now...I feel no need to do them. Which isn't like me...I have all these plans for the future, and yet all I want to do is sit and escape into my writing. Yes, that's a WONDERFUL thing, but I shouldn't want to escape my life...that was Tiffany from a couple  months ago...not this new Tiffany..the real me where I've FINALLY figure out what I want. Yet, I want to escape to the world I've created and hide there until work. Immerse myself in my story...my land of romance, happily ever after and fantasy. I feel very out of it today and I don't like this feeling, maybe it's hormones...seeing as I AM a girl...but whatever it is..I want it gone.

I enjoy writing, and letting my imagination take control...however I no longer want to escape, except it would seem I need an escape from the stress I'm putting myself under with figuring out my life, school...everything. I"m not going to lie, going into my own world is quite enjoyable...but it's not real, and I've spent way too much of my life in fantasyland...making mistakes, and I moved past that and I don't wan to repeat any of those mistakes. I just...don't want this happiness I have to leave...and I'm terrified it might...

I hate fear...blegh.

Alright bloggers there is my vent for the day, I hope all of you are having a fabulous day.

Tiffany Leigh

2012 Olympics mate

Hello mate. How are you doing today?

Well, I'm a huge Olympics fan, and since I've been working a great deal...and having a life as of late, I've been DVRing the Olympics. Whoever invented DVR is a genius just saying.

After going to the Olympics in 04' I've always wanted to go back. I REALLY wanted to go to London, because we all know how obsessed I am with British accents. :) But if I were to take a trip anywhere right now it would be to a state east of Texas, not across the pond yet. Then the trip across the pond is designated to Ireland/Scotland/England. I should really try harder to save money for that trip. haha.

Work is going well, I start my training this week, or so I've been told..we'll see when I go in if my GM actually did it or not. LOL Money intake has been amazing the past two months, and I hope in only continues for awhile. :)

My life is filled with such joy and adventures that I can't wait to go on each day I wake up. The adventures I take in my writing are just as exciting as the ones I take now. I'm happy, truly happy. I know what I want to do in life. I know where I want to go. I have family/friends that support me(FINALLY), and I have God. Yes, God. He has been the one constant thing in my life. Answering my prayers, not on my time table but he has answered them all in his own time. I now understand why. I had to find me...find myself..be myself before I could figure out everything else. I'm a writer, I'm creative, I'm a lover NOT a fighter, I'm a hopeless romantic, I love movies, I'm addicted to Johnny Depp, I think Colin Farrell is the sexiest Irishmen I've ever seen, I love with my whole heart, I care with all that I have, I love nature, Sunsets make my heart flutter, I cherish those close to me, I'm just me. And you know what, I finally believe that's good enough. I'm good enough. Do you know how long it's taken me to get to this point? 26 years...SERIOUSLY!? I know now that I have my life figured out the Devil will come at me full steam ahead, and all I have to say is bring it. I can handle it. After all the hell I've been through, I've come back stronger every time.

My friends and family...man. God has blessed me with the best. Nicole Ciulla, Kelsee Harp, and two other girls at work are by far the best friends I've ever had besides Ashley Vold. They are all the supportive friends I've always wanted but never had, and I'm so grateful to have them in my life. To have them be so close, to be able to trust them with secrets and go to them for advice and KNOW they have my best interest at heart.

And the man...oh that man...every song I hear somehow makes me think of him...it's ridiculous, but I love it. My heart is so full, and I know he has no idea as to how much I truly care for him. And how if I could I would pack a small bag and just drive...grab a friend and just drive away. Show up at his job, walk right up to him and kiss him just like in a romcom..I would do it in a heartbeat. See, it's that hopeless romantic in me...I want my happily ever after and will fight for it, and will have it.

Alright, now that I've rambled on and on, I need to finish getting ready for work. I hope everyone has an amazing day. :)

Tiffany Leigh