The work in progress went through a valley and will find her way

Hello bloggers. It has been a long time since I've written and the main reason in writing this post is as a open my heart tell all. This is not easy for me, but I feel like it's something I need to do. 

For those out there who don't know, I've been going to therapy for nearly three months, originally to help me through anger with my dad and being raped(I never really dealt with it). However; when it came down to it I wasn't healthy emotionally and I had to dive into past issues that have effected me deeply and I've been working through all of those. I'm saying this to get to one issue that I thought I had overcome. One being I had issues lying in the past, and they weren't always little lies, sometimes they were huge out there lies.  I never made a big deal of this past to current friends, however I do remember telling at least my best friend that I had HAD issues in the past, and I thought I told a couple other friends also. Moving on, I've learned with going to therapy that I would do that because I was so insecure and down that I would just act before I would really think. I haven't done that in years, and I am deeply sorry that I can no longer say it's been years since I have. Monday morning I told probably the worst lie I could've ever told and it hurt quite a few people and I did something I always had issues with. I owned up to it last night. I'm not a perfect person, never have been but had a momentary lapse of judgement and let my insecurity and loneliness( not from a guy but just feeling lonely) take over and had a horrible relapse. In owning up to this lie, I realize I may lose friendships and that's something I can understand because it was so hurtful. I can not expect people to just forgive me immediately however, after telling my best friend, whom I was most terrified I would lose with this, she forgave me and was understanding. I can honestly say, I know I don't deserve her forgiveness, however my best friend Nicole, has always been one of those people you'd pray to have in your life. I'm beyond grateful that she would still be here for me. I know I'll have to regain her trust, but I know I can. That's why I'm getting help, to help be ther person I was made to be, to NEVER make these kinds of mistakes again, and to never hurt those I love again. 

I want those to know that were effected by this lie to know how deeply sorry I am, and that I truly believed I was strong enough to not give in to the emotions I was feeling. I also want you all to know this will NEVER happen again. I mean that with every fiber in my being, because the thought of losing those that I truly love over being ignorant and letting stupid insecurities get in the way. Those of you that I've already spoken too, and have been understanding of this...I want you to know how deeply touched and grateful I am to have been blessed to have y'all in my life. I know that forgiving something this bad isn't easy, however I'm thankful to know who my true friends are that will stand by my side even at my worst, and I repeat, I will never do this to any of you again.  

This has not been easy for me to write because this is part of my journey toward getting healthy emotionally; If anyone reading this has ever had issues with the same or dealing with emotional struggles you are not alone. Even though I've made progress I'm still a work in progress. 

Taking steps in the right direction. 

Tiffany Leigh

Finding comfort in my Neverland and Wonderland

Long time no blog!!

Well howdy bloggers. I'm dreadfully sorry that it's been so long since I've blogged, I suppose the world and all the encompasses it has kept me bogged down for awhile. I found some much needed solitude today, as I have the day off; to write to all you lovely folks out in the internet world. I've had a crazy several months, with work, family changes, and some life changes. 

Work has been wonderful. It's been an amazing 3 months since I started working there; and yet it seems like just yesterday when Kyle e-mailed me to come in and meet with him. I've gotten close to several of my co-workers; especially the other host Haley. We clicked as friends almost immediately while I was training, and I'm very grateful that God allowed me the opportunity to be placed as a hostess at Lonesome Dove. The way Haley and I click reminds me greatly as to when I met Nicole. It's crazy how God puts people in your life for the long run, and you are also able to understand what people he put in your life to only help you for a time. As I've been working at Lonesome Dove, I've realized how much I strayed from my dreams, and what I believe, and have been finding comfort in the word again and not trying to find comfort in men, and instead lean on the one person who has helped me through Hell and back. Yes, I want to share my life with a man, but I want him to love me second, and for God to be first in his life. That's been my issue...I keep finding men who need to be helped and aren't where God wants them to be, and I ALWAYS think I can change them. In the three months I've been at Lonesome...I've found my way back to God...and still managed to keep those that God wants in my life...to be a part of it. I know who are positive influences on me and who were only there when they needed something from me, or who knew they could bring me down. I don't want negative people in my life anymore...I want only those who are positive and will help me to become who I am meant to be. I pray to God that those people know who they are, as I do NOT want to mention names on here, because some people I thought were lifelong friends...I was wrong...

Family changes...what I mean by that is that I've gotten much closer with some family members that I was once not close to at all. I'm so very thankful for the opportunity to have started  Bible study with my aunt, cousins, mom and sister; even if for right now it has been put on hold, with other circumstances that have come up. With just the couple meetings we had, my cousin Sara and I became much closer and I thank God everyday for the chance to become closer to her and be able to count on her, not only as my cousin but as a sister in Christ. I know for a lot of you this post will seem very different from the others, but my faith in God has always been a part of my life, but I fell away; like most do when they are put into the real world that we all so yearned to be a part of. I now know why my mom always told me to enjoy being a kid when I was one, because the grown up world...just blows. Haha. More family changes...my cousin Grant got married to his best friend/soul mate on July 20th. It was a beautiful wedding and I was so grateful and happy that I was able to be there to witness them join their lives together and live for God together. I cried as I watched, not in sadness but in pure joy at the sight of Ashley and Grant, pledging to love each other for as long as the both live. I gained yet another cousin and she is just as amazing as the first I gained back in 2008(that being Sara). The biggest family change, is that I now have a stepfather. Yep folks, ya read correctly. I have a stepfather, and I honestly couldn't be any happier about this new addition; mainly because he is someone my family has known my entire life. Yep, God brought Gordon and my mom together back on June 16th and a friend(now cousins) baby shower that I was not able to go to. They saw each other then began talking and it was all God's timing. Mom and Gordon clicked, and acted like they were teenagers in love; and yet...I've never seen my mama any happier than I've seen her over the past month and couple of days. With this new addition; however it meant that mama would be moving away to Tennessee, which scared me at first, because I had gotten so used to having her so close by...able to see her anytime I needed her...which the more I think about it now...I think God is getting me ready for moving away...which I will get to in a bit. I wasn't able to be there for the wedding which stung, but my sister and I are not the only children...Gordon also has a son and daughter, so I have gained a step sister and brother...that I know I'll actually have a relationship with...which can not be said for my dad and his wife and their family. I'm very much looking forward to meeting Justin, who lives in San Antonio at the moment and is a Lt, in the Air force ( I believe) and he will either be going to Germany or Hawaii in a couple years. Then there is Julie, and she is in school to become a Vet Tech for large animals like horses; which is very cool. I have been able to work through so many emotions since first hearing the news that mama was getting married, and I'm now...looking forward to any moment I get to spend with mama, Gordon, and my new family members.  The family I have gained is a family that I have thought of as part of our family since I was young enough to remember. The Baird clan is now part of our family and we a part of theirs and I count my blessings that we can finally truly call each other family.

Now onto life changes. Anyone that is close to me, knows my love/obsession with Ireland and anything having to do with Celtic heritage. Over the past three years I have felt a major pull towards Ireland, like a voice in my head telling me, that THAT is where I'm meant to be. I'm not sure if it's all in my head, if it's imagination, or if it's God telling me to put my faith in him and he will provide a way. I've been lacking on that front...I've always believed in the power of prayer, and have seen prayers come true; yet when it comes to handing everything over to God...for him to take the reigns on my life...I waiver...I give in to the human instinct to dig my heals in and think I CAN DO THIS. I don't NEED you to do this. I'm strong enough...blah blah blah. It's all scuse me BULL SHIT. Everything in my life has been a learning experience and has helped mold me in the young woman I am today. To help guide me down the paths that God wants me to follow. I've been so dang afraid to let the reigns over to him, to let him show me what to do, because I'm afraid that what I want...is truly what GOD WANTS, and I feel like it's almost too good to be true and that I could be dreaming. See the Bible study that we women were/are doing is called "So Long Insecurity" and it would seem that ever since we started my insecurities have been rearing their blood thirst heads to try and pull me back down. It's not an easy fight...but as long as I now that God is beside me..I can do it. Crazy right?  Back to what I was saying about having my mom move away, and also have my closest friends not be in the same state as me; maybe God is teaching me to be stronger and to lean on him more. That I can survive without having those I love most close by. The first lesson was when Ashley and I became so close and she lives in Idaho. Then came the BIG one with Nicole going into the Navy. We literally saw each other every day for the last week she was here, and spend nearly all our spare time together. It was a difficult transition but we still talk when we can, we are still close, and we can still count on each other. Distance is only difficult if you make it that way. With mama moving to Tennessee, that was a doosie I must say. I had a difficult time at first but after speaking to mama about how I was feeling and truly taking myself out of it...and seeing the situation from the outside I was able to see it differently.  I was able to see all the good and how wonderful it all was and that it truly was all God's timing.  I've never been one to THRUST my love of Christ in peoples faces, I hope that none of you are sitting here reading this thinking,"Oh Tiffany, that's EXACTLY what you are doing now." I'd have to disagree, I'm simply letting you all know that for me, that this has been an eye opening 3 months...that I'm determined to let God show me what to do...and whatever it may be, I'll follow wherever he leads me. My best friend Nicole has always been a strong supporter of whatever I've wanted to do...she's always been there...and even though we've only been friends for a little over a year, I know that she and I...no matter how far apart we are...we will always have time for each other...and will be there to listen to what is going on in each others lives. Even if I'm all the way in Ireland...or Tennessee...or even Georgia...while she is in Florida we will ALWAYS  be friends. I can NOT shake the feeling that God is calling me to Ireland for school, to finish my education there...to show his love through all that I do...even if I end up at an Irish pub or two...which I'm sure will happen if I go. 

Oh then there is also, the man front. Well as I was in love with a young man...who simply was not/is not ready for a real commitment..and as he doesn't really know what he wants out of life...and needs help...I realized I needed to let him go, and simply be his friend. Which surprisingly was easier than I thought it would be. I have seen with my mama and Grant that everything is God's timing, and decided to work on myself, and to also join a dating website. GASP! haha. Yeppers. I joined Eharmony and I did so with THAT site, because it worked so well for Grant and Ashley. Yeppers, you read that correctly also. They met through Eharmony and found love. I know it won't be a fast process, and that God will put the man I'm meant to be with in my life when he knows I'm ready, and when I least expect it. The truth of the matter is, how can I expect someone to love me, when I'm still in the process of healing and loving who I am?  Once I'm there, I know that God will provide me with the man of my dreams and who will be the provider of the family. I'm determined to keep my eyes on the POSITIVE big picture. 

I know this is a long post, and it's more of a vent session, but all of this has been on my heart lately and I needed to let it out. I don't want to be a negative Nancy, a Debbie downer or get depressed over all this. Like I told my best friend Nicole, this is ALL just a big learning experience that will help me grow into the woman I'm meant to be. To help mold me and make me into who I am meant to be. Once I was able to realize that...and honestly...I realized it today.. after talking to a couple friends...I'm a bit more calm...and collected. I guess you could say my Neverland and Wonderland would be Ireland...it's where I think I would be happiest...and where I will become who I'm meant to. I'm beyond ready to fall down the rabbit hole and see what is beyond here. :) I'm ready to fly away and see what else the world has to offer me. :) 

If you made it all the way through this entry thank you for taking time to read it, I appreciate it. I hope you all have a blessed day and remainder of the week.

With Love,

Tiffany Leigh

The joys of being a sister = BEING AN AUNT

Howdy Bloggers!!

Today was a very special day in the Ward/Cleveland/Brasher family. My sister as a lot of you know is pregnant again with her second little bundle of joy and today we found out what she and my brother in-law would be having. I won't lie when I say, as it got closer to finding out the more I was hoping that she would have a little girl. I know it will be hard, because if she has a girl, then we're all in for it. Liam is by far the cutest little boy on the planet, yes I'm very biased because I love him so much, but he has the most amazing blue eyes...any girl will fall for him with just those. So if they are to have a little girl, and if she has blonde hair and blue eyes just like Liam...well we are flippin' screwed! We are all gonna have to invest in shotguns when she hits teenage years, and look out for her; scaring all those boys away. ;)

So with that being said, I'll tell you that she IS in fact having a baby girl. :)

I'm so utterly excited and overjoyed at the moment. Being an aunt to Liam is a blessing and he brings me so much joy each day. he is so smart, and will lay his head on Mo's stomach and say "baby"...it brings tears to my eyes. Liam is going to be the worlds best big brother to this little girl and I can NOT wait to see him with her...well that's not entirely true. I can wait, because in a few short months he will have to share all the attention with his baby sister, and it's going to be oh so fun. haha. 

I won't lie when I say I always thought it would be awesome to have a big brother, but having a big sister is pretty dang amazing. She's taught me so much over the years, and has been looking out for me since I was a baby. Reading books to me when I was little, teaching me about history, singing Disney songs to me when I felt bad, she brought so many different kinds of genre of music/movies into my life, and so many other things that would take me FOREVER to put down. I don't tell her enough how much I love/appreciate everything she does for me, and I should. We've had such a crazy relationship over the years but in the end...no one ever has your back like a sister does. No one can share in the heart aches like a sister, and no one will embarrass you quite like a sister. ;)

She made me an aunt nearly two years ago, and the joy it's brought into my life is undeniable. The love I have for her son, is unwavering and I will love him until the day I die, just like I will for her daughter. I can not wait for the day when I have kids and they get to have her as an aunt. They will be getting the worlds best aunt on the planet. Once again, I'm biased, but I can not wait for her to teach my little ones things I may not be able too. She shared her love with reading with me at a young age and I took it for granted for FAR too long, and I'm glad I finally realized my love for it, and I wouldn't have if it weren't for her. I can't wait to see her read to my little ones like she read to me all those years ago. She's an amazing mom, and I don't tell her that enough either. Watching her be a mother to Liam is by far the highlight of my days lately with living with her again. Watching them together and the way they will cuddle and watch tv/read together brings a smile to my face and I pray that one day I'm half the mom her and my mom are. 

Being a sister...I haven't always been the best one honestly, but I love having her as a big sister. I couldn't have asked for a better big sister than her, who has given me chance after chance. God knew EXACTLY what he was doing when He gave me her as a sister. Sure we butt heads a lot, but when I need her, she is always there. To help walk me through whatever meltdown I'm having with a heartache or freak out. So Mo, I love you more than you could ever know, and I KNOW I don't show it often, but thank you for everything you have EVER done for me. Thank you for giving me chance after chance, forgiving me, teaching me everything you have. For reading to me when I was younger, and showing me the importance of literature in my life. Thank you for helping me through boy drama and eating I don't know how many gallons of Blue Bell ice cream to get through said boy drama. Thank you for giving me the opportunity for being an aunt. I love it, and can't wait to be an aunt to your daughter when she makes her arrival in October. 

Welp, I guess that's all I have to say about that. There's more I could say, but it's hard to put it all in words at the moment. haha.

I hope everyone had an amazing Sunday funday.

Follow me on instagram folks. Tiff_leigh11

God Bless.

Tiffany Leigh

Think like Jack....

Howdy blog world.

I'm giving myself a "Pirates of the Caribbean" marathon this cloudy/rainy not sure what the hell it wants to do Wednesday in Texas. 

Each time I watch these movies I am reminded as to why I love these movies so much...and it doesn't have ALL to do with Johnny Depp( I know madness right?)  The story lines are interesting, whether I may agree with where the writers went with the stories every movie is debatable...but I usually enjoy the situations they put my favorite character in. With the exception of "killin'" him in the second movie...which made sense in the end but STILL. Don't do that to that to Captain Jack. Alright, on with my ramble...I love these movies because of Captain Jack...the situations he gets in always seem dire and he always find some kind of way to get out of them. They aren't every day kind of issues...but sometimes you have to think like Jack to get out of situations. 

That's what I'm doin' today. I've been in a weird frame of mind the past couple days due to the post I did a couple days ago, and I wasn't quite ready for the bombardment of thoughts that invaded my mind at lightening speed. I found myself wanting to run away like Jack did. Screaming and flailing my arms..but that just isn't me. I refuse to give up, and let the insecurities win...because that's inevitably what they are trying to do. Bring me down enough to where I'll start to believe them and get depressed all over again...

So I'm thinkin' like Jack. Thinkin' out of the ordinary and makin' my way through the waves as they come and tryin' to enjoy the ride. 

I've had to learn to be quick on my feet in several situations and I've had to learn from several mistakes in the past and no one is perfect...I'd rather be me, with all my quirks, mistakes, flaws, all my personality traits...than perfect. Where's the fun in that? Learning on your feet is always more of a fun experience...or at least to me it is...sometimes you have to chose the more difficult road to go down than the one that seems plausible...look at Jack. He got eaten by a dang giant squid..I don't think ANYONE really saw that one comin'...including Jack. 

One of my favorite quotes that I always have a tendency to forget is, "The problem is not the problem.The problem is our attitude about the problem." Captain Jack truly is a smart character...even if he is drunk most of the time. If you have a positive attitude about any problem, whatever it may be ...the problem may not seem like a problem...more like a I don't know...let's call it a fun experience to journey through. If I think like Jack...things may seem more fun more often rather than dreary and like I'm about to get sucked into a Maelstrom. I just have to stay positive...no matter what and not let the world get me down, think like Jack and just take what the world gives me with a smile and some quirky comeback. Who knows...maybe even try and walk like him. HA, so kiddin'. 

Life is full of ups and downs...sometimes those ups and downs can be unclear...and maddeningly unhelpful...but it just takes a little thought to work through each situation...sometimes thinkin' like Jack is the answer...and sometimes using our own brain is the answer. There's nothing wrong with looking toward others for help, we just have to come up with the answers on our own...ya know? Be our own person, and make our decisions on our own. Advice is always helpful...but NEVER do something just because someone tells you to..

That's interesting right? ;)

Well I guess my ramble session is over and I'll go on with my day.

"Bring me that horizon." :)
Follow me on instagram: tiff_leigh11

God Bless.

Tiffany Leigh

Happy Mother's Day!!

Howdy bloggers!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Well today is mother's day and I'm going to gush and boast about my momma in this post. :) 

People always say that their mother's are better than everyone else's and honestly...everyone is entitled to their opinion and EVERYONE is going to think their mom is better than someone else's...I'm no different. It takes a strong person to be a mother, to be able to handle all of the ups and downs of their child's life. 

I've always believed that God gave me my momma for a specific reason, and every time I do something right/wrong it's brought to my attention again. She always pushes me to be the person she knows I can be. Her endless support for me is unwavering  and even though we may not see eye to eye on everything(and we never will) we do on the things that truly matter in life. I've learned so much from her; how to a woman of God, my creativity comes from her, my love for people and putting others before myself, that somethings are more important than worldly items, ect. She has taught me so much in my 27 years of life and I know the lessons are still coming. 

She's always been my biggest fan and I couldn't be more grateful to her for being someone I could talk to and go to for advice when I couldn't go to friends. She loves me for who I am..faults, past mistakes, and future mistakes to come. I suppose that come naturally when you become a momma and I can't wait to become a mother one day and pass on what she has taught me to my son/daughter. I hope I'm half the mom she is, because if I'm anything like she was to me, my kids will know just how amazing their Gigi is when I have them. 

She has shared in my triumphs and shared in  my tears with me. She's taught me compassion, loyalty, the importance of being honest NO MATTER WHAT. She has taught me that strength comes in many forms and that being weak isn't a bad thing. She's taught me to reach for the stars, that nothing isn't impossible with God. 

I may not say "Thank you" enough, or show how much she means to me enough, but I do hope that she knows that I love her more and more every day. That NOTHING she has done for me through the years has been forgotten. NOTHING she has told me is truly forgotten either, it's in my brain just waiting for the opportune moment to share it's knowledge with me once again. I'm not ungrateful to everything she has done for me, I may get overwhelmed with the world, and take her for granted, but I wouldn't be who I am without her guidance and support. I wouldn't have the determination to not give up, if it weren't for her either. I get some of my best traits from her and it always brings a smile to my face when people say I'm like her. I don't get it often, because I do have so much of my dad in me, but OH MAN, no one truly knows how over joyed I am when I get comments about how I take after her. I don't even think she knows how happy it makes me. 

When my dad wasn't around, my momma became my best friend. I know that seems weird to some people, but she did. We we got closer than we had ever been before and I'm so grateful for that fact. She helped me to find myself, push me to be myself and not change for anyone. Told me that EVERYDAY, and it took time to sink in, and once I finally figured it out, she was there. Cheering me on. She's always been my cheerleader too. :) She is one of the strongest people in my life, and as I said before, I want to be the kind of woman she is. I've seen her work her way through some hard trails and she comes out stronger/tougher than before and I'd like to think and I want her to know...that THAT'S the person I want to be. 

So thank you momma for all that you do. For the person you are. For the teacher you truly are. I love you so much and I thank God everyday for the fact that he chose you to be my mother. That you have stood by me through all my trials, triumphs  and everything to come. Being your daughter is a privalige and I also thank God that I was given the chance to call you mom. I love you and thank you for everything you do for me on a daily basis. I know you have put up with some real crap from me through the years, but thank you for never giving up on me. For always cheering me on, helping me see the person God wants me to be. For teaching me the importance in being a true friend and everything that entails. I could keep going on with this post but I believe she and all of you know/can see how much I love my momma. 

God bless all the moms in the world. We wouldn't be here without all of you. :)

Tiffany Leigh

P.S, Follow me on instagram ginger_texan11

It's a little bit funny.....

Howdy bloggers.

Well i woke up in the oddest of moods, which is bound to happen when I finally say screw it to everything holdin' me back...it all come full force at me like race horses...which is EXACTLY what happened.

That's the only problem with givin' everything to God...once you do, the fight is 100x harder than it was before, and being strong enough to pull through can be damn difficult. I had an awesome afternoon with a really good friend, talked to my best friend via text, and then came home and one I was home...the race was on it seemed. It's like as long as I'm around people or I have other things on my mind, it's near impossible for the damn negative thoughts to come in...but once I'm alone...and I have time to think...the buzzer sounds and the horses are off and I'm the target....it's a little bit funny how that works.

I've had so much on my mind with this guy I care deeply for and this other guy that I thought...would help me get over the first guy...which in turn is NOT fair, and I know this. I'm not a bad person...I'm not...I don't play games, and yet...these two are doing just that. Playing games.  It isn't THAT difficult to figure out what you want it you stop letting OTHER people control what you think.  Which is EXACTLY what this one guy is doin'. It bugs the utter SHIT(sorry) out of me that he does that...but I can't seem to let him go. Which is stupid, because I know I deserve someone who isn't goin' to play game with my heart, feelings, or emotions. However...when we're together, just him and me...no one else...it's damn near perfect. We can sit there and talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING...just shoot the bull so to speak and I'm always happy when I'm with him...now I don't necessarily have to be with him to be happy...but it never fails...anytime we spend any amount of time together, I'm happy. It's a little bit funny how that happens.

Lately I'm not sure what's really goin' on with us...if there is anything goin' on.  I'd like to think there is...but he listens to some of his friends more than he should and he lets them influence him...he won't admit it...but my best friend and I know it...shit(sorry) even his family knows it.  I'm not certain as to why he does that...he isn't weak..in fact he's damn strong, he just doesn't believe it most of the time...it's a little bit funny how standin' on the outside I can see so much.

I hate feelin' like I do at this moment. I'm so uncertain of what's goin' on with him...and he always shuts me out when he gets damn afraid...and that's what he is...he drinks his pain away because he's too afraid to face what he's done and move on...and I can't leave him alone. He's my friend and I care about him...hell I love him...in love with him....and I can't just leave him hanging when he needs positive people in his life. You know how I said in earlier posts how I care with my whole heart and people don't know how to handle it at times. He doesn't...in fact I think most of the time he thinks I'm crazy because I won't leave him alone...that I want to be there for him...help him through...I want him to know I'm not going anywhere. When he needs me I'll be there. I wouldn't change a dang thing about him...honestly because I fell in love with all the insecurities he has, all his faults, his past mistakes, everything...so if I changed him...he wouldn't be who I fell in love with...I want him to want to be the person I know he can be...that his family knows he can be...that HE knows he can be. He just has to do what I've done and stop fighting it. It's a little bit funny how you surround yourself with people who go through the same things you have...

I guess a great deal of what I"m feeling right now has to do with the fact due to past mistakes YEARS ago, I'm now having to deal with a circumstance I never thought I would...and I know God is handling it...that he will lead me through this like he does everything else, but I'm not gonna lie to y'all. I'm a little scared, and I know where fear comes from and it's not from God...so that's why I'm trying so damn hard not to let the devil get to me...but he did last night BIG time. I was in some pain and I decided to take some advil to ya know help releave it...I laid down and cuddled up with a blanket and watched The Voice( I was behind on episodes) and the more I laid there, the more pain I was in...so I decided to sit up, and put my legs to my chest in hopes that would help...it did a little and I did something you should never do. Googled what I was feeling...that was STUPID! Shouldn't have done it because then my mind started going 90 to nothing and all I wanted was a shot of whiskey.  I was like my the guy I love...I just wanted to get out of the house and go drink...get my mind off and get numb. I know better and that's why I didn't leave, and I stayed home and wrote on Make a Wish on 11. I had to find comfort in something because I didn't want to call him...I knew he was with friends and didn't want to bug him...so I didn't. I have an appointment on the 23rd because well that was the earliest I could get in to see this new doctor I'm going too.  Good news is they told me that as soon they figure out what's going on we can schedule the procedure I have to undergo asap. Which is good, because if I have to wait too much longer I'm gonna lose my mind a little bit. I guess I already am, my emotions are all out of whack, more things make me cry than usual( and people who know me know I already cry at a lot anyways). For example, I heard a song yesterday, while driving home on my XM radio by Miranda Lambert..."Over". I've hard it a hundred times and yesterday I lost it while drivin' and had to suck it up before I walked in the door at home. It's a little bit funny how emotions can get the best of you when you don't want them too.

Everyone has their bad days, or days that start out bad, and that was today for me. The sun is shining right now and a humming bird just flew past my window...which is odd, considering we don't really have those here... I just have to find the positive when things try and get me down like this morning. I have work tonight and I get to see Hayley, which will be fun because I'll be able to hear about her trip and it'll be extra busy the next two days so that'll be nice...I guess I just wish I could drive over to his house when I get off work and enjoy his company...maybe it'l happen one day...sooner rather than later. 

"It's a little bit funny this feeling inside I'm not one of those who can easily hide I don't have much money but boy if I did I'd buy a big house where we both could live If I was a sculptor, but then again no Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show I now it's not much, but it's the best I can do My gift is my song and this ones for you And you can tell everybody that this is your song It might be quite simple but, now that it's done I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words How wonderful life is now that you're in the world"


God Bless y'all. Hopefully I can stay strong through this.
P.S. Follow me at Ginger_Texan11 on instagram. :)

Tiffany Leigh

Rainy Day

Hello bloggers! 

Well I'm off on t his gloomy hopefully rainy Thursday. :) 

I have some errands I have to run today and hopefully spending time with a friend I haven't seen in awhile which I'm looking forward too! :)

My life is pretty dang amazing right now, because I have all the people I want/need in my life and their support, love, laughter, jokes, advice, and everything else they bring is always appreciated. Each one of them brings something different to my life and I learn something new from them. It always brings a smile to my face when I make plans with one of them, or if they are just  like, "I miss you come see me". It's always a good feeling to be missed and I think we take it for granted at times. I have so many friends that are fighters like me, and I guess that's what pulls me to them. It's like a magnetic pull and I wouldn't change the pulls that I've gotten over the last year. This time last year, was the time when Nicole Ciulla and I started to get close, and it was inevitable after that. Our friendship grew like a wild fire...but in a good way. We started to hang out before/after work, on days off, and from May on...we were nearly inseparable. She had her sister wedding in June, and when she came back it was like no time had passed since we saw each other. I truly believe God knew exactly what he was doing when he put me at Movie Tavern...the people he knew I would need on that journey and Nicole was definitely one, along with Norma. Those two girls have been through hell and back with me, and have never left my side. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have either one of them in my life. They are both strong and fighters! They go after what they want, and to hell with anyone who gets in the way. I love that about them. I miss Nicole everyday, but I'm grateful for the fact that we talk nearly everyday via text/phone. 

Well I would love to keep going on with this lovely post, but I really need to get my day going. ;) Oh, bloggers, anyone who reads this, feel free to follow me on instagram and I'll follow back. The name is ginger_texan11. I hope ya'll have an amazing blessed day. And I hope I get to see my friends smiling face after I run all these errands. :)

Take care.

Tiffany Leigh

Determination

Howdy bloggers.

Well it's a new day and a new week, and I couldn't be any more determined than I am now. 

Do you ever wake up and just say to yourself, "Nothing is gonna stop me today!"? I did this morning, at the crack of dawn...literally.  My body woke me up at about 6 am this morning, and I opened my eyes to see the sun rise through my window and hear sparrows, mockingbirds, and cardinals singing their songs to the world. All I wanted to do was start my day a new, with no stress, no worries, and nothing holding me back.  Truth be told, nothing is holding me back but myself and my damn(sorry) insecurities. I know everyone has them, but me and my dang insecurities have been havin' it out for years, and I'm finally at a point of saying, SCREW IT!" I'm so utterly exhausted with not feeling good enough, not being pretty enough, skinny enough,  ect. It's all bull and I know it, believe me do I ever know it, but remembering it every day and saying "screw you" to those thoughts has always been my downfall. It's been an inner battle for as long as I can remember...not feeling pretty enough, or not being good enough, or for carin' to dang much...

I'm exhausted with it all. No one has control over these thoughts but me...and who puts them there in the first place. I suppose that's why for the longest time I felt like I needed to be tanner, have a different hair color, and change myself for people.  Well you know what I say to all that bull? I'm THROUGH! I am who I am for a reason. God made me a porclain skinned, freckled redhead for a reason, why in the hell(SORRY) would/should I change that? Redheads are a dying breed and I should feel unique and happy that I have the hair color I do. I guess that's why I'm trying so hard to get my hair back to it's natural red, which has been...well difficult to say the least. Yeah, sure it would be nice to be able to get tan in the sun like so many of my friends, however redheads...we just aren't really meant to be tan and would look down right weird. Now, I do in the summer put on the sunless tanning lotion to give myself a little glow, because I don't want to glow in the dark. ;) I'm not super skinny, I'm not as toned as I used to be, and it bugs me...but this is all something that I can change. I just have to give myself the motivation to do it, and I'm pushing myself each day to do mini workouts, because if I push myself too hard, I'll end up hurting myself. I'm determined to get my toned legs, abs and arms back whatever it takes...

I'm exhausted with the not feeling pretty enough...and I know where this thought comes from I pray everyday for that thought not to enter my mind...but somehow it always sneaks in. I refuse to let myself fall or date anyone that says I'm beautiful and only talks about my body...REFUSE! I will do not want to be with someone bad enough that I would date someone who is only interested in the physical...it's not worth the trouble and in the end...I'd get hurt...it's happened before and I learned the HARD way that I don't NEED someone to be happy in my own skin. This is what this hole post is about. Being happy in my own skin. My own beauty. Being happy with me and saying "SCREW IT" to all the negative thoughts that try to make their way into my head. I do not NEED a man in my life to feel beautiful, I just NEED to believe it MYSELF. Ya know? Sure feeling wanted because your beautiful is an amazing feeling, but being wanted for who you are as a person FIRST, is a much more incredible feeling. Looks change...but who we are personality wise..who we are as a person..that's what is REAL and shouldn't change. If someone doesn't like you for you are, then they aren't worth a second glance. I'm saying that to y'all as well as myself. 

I'm determined to be me...to not change myself (besides fitness wise) for anyone EVER again. The last time I changed myself for someone was a couple years back and I've been trying to find my way back ever since. Fighting those dang insecurities that came back with a vengeance that I really didn't see coming, and I'm FINALLY at a point where I can say "screw all this bull!" It's been a difficult journey getting here, trying to surround myself around people that will support, love, and be there for me no matter what. The insecurities I've dealt with my entire life will always be there, waiting to come out and hit me with their best shot, but knowing I am strong enough NOW, to fight them off...finding the strength within, finding the strength with God, and with those who truly love me, is what gets me through now.  With finding a friend to help me get my writing out, to having the support system I do, to having this new amazing job that God blessed me with...it all helped turn on the light bulb so to speak. To just say, "Screw everyone who tries to put me down. Screw the negative thoughts. I am who I am. I care with all that I am. I'm a fighter, I'm a believer, I'm a friend , daughter, sister, aunt, hopeless romantic, country lover, who refuses to change ever again. I fight for my friends. I fight for what I want, and I don't give up." 

I'm FINISHED with the insecurities and letting them get the better of me. I'm free and I will fight with everything in me to not let them get to me again.

God bless y'all. 

Thanks for letting me vent it all out.

Tiffany Leigh

Like a "ROCK"

A close friend and I were having an argument about which truck was better. Ford or Chevy. Now being born and raised a Chevy girl, I can NOT stray from the beauty that is a Z71 Silverado with a lift kit, kick A tires, and everything that makes a truck...well a truck. I won't lie...I do like Ford trucks...that and the GT Cobra Mustang are ALL I like that comes from Ford...mainly the KING Ranch Truck...because after I saw it at the Texas State Fair this past year...well..they're pretty. LOL

Ford and Chevy have the best slogans for their trucks. Ford, is "BUILT TOUGH" and Chevy is "LIKE A ROCK". I mean...what's better than those two? I say nothing.

I personally love those because right now, they describe me. I've been through hell and back over the past months, learning lessons, growing up, letting go of obstacles that were holding me back, and I've realized I'm a great deal stronger than I thought. I'm built tough and I'm like a rock. God made me tough, I mean, come on...I'm the only redhead in my family; I've had a love hate with my hair color along with my skin tone, and it took me much too long to love me for me. Redheads have to be tough just like blondes because we get made fun of quite a bit, however I'd take a blonde joke over being told I have no soul any day. ;) 

I've had to grow tephlan skin as my Papa would say which has made me stronger. God made me TOUGH. It hasn't been an easy road, but that's why we have trucks...to help us over the rocky terrain(Just like God helps me) of course also to help us through the mud. ;) Now comes the "Like a Rock". Rocks stand firm during all types of weather, can handle being stepped on, thrown around ect...that's sorta what I've been going through lately. God NEVER gives me more than I can handle...it says that in his word, and each time I come out the other side stronger than I was before, I'm amazed that I was able to handle the situation he put me in. I've been walked on by past friendships, I've been "thrown" around by those same friendships, and I stand firm in who I am, what I believe, and what I want out of my life. I'm like a 'ROCK" because of God, because of the people he has placed in my life to support me and love me; and because he loves me..imperfections, faults, mistakes, everything. To me, there is nothing greater than knowing no matter what, I have that to lean on. I'm so utterly blessed to have such strong men and women in my life and some of them don't even realize how strong they are....but when they do, WATCH OUT WORLD. You won't know what hit you. God knew the people he wanted to be in my life from day one, when I would need them, and who will stand by me during my hardships/trials, and those people have made themselves known throughout the past months. I thank each and every one of you for standing by me, even when times were CRAZY, and I was a mess. You helped me see the light, and bring me back to reality with support and love day, night, measly hours in the morning...it doesn't matter with y'all and for that I thank you, and I'm grateful to all of you.

I've been around trucks my entire life. My dad, papa, my sister's boyfriends, my guy friends...have all had trucks, and I've always loved them...however it wasn't until recently that I truly realized how much I love them. They're built strong, to handle all kinds of terrain and weather. They're built big to accommodate carrying all types of loads, families, ect. What's not to love about trucks? ;)
I'm a southern gal, finding myself and loving myself for who God has made me to be for the first time. Being me...being southern...loving the country, trucks, gettin' dirty, being outside...it's who I am...I'm done fighting it...it's a useless battle and I did the same thing with my writing, and once I found that love that had always been there, hidden under insecurities I put that love for writing into first gear and went full steam ahead. I'm doing the same thing now. I'm done fighting who God made me to be...
I'm a hopeless romantic, who's always looking for that forever love, that does exist I believe that with all my heart, and refuse to settle for anything less than what I want and deserve.
I'm a writer. I use past experiences, dreams, my interests, and pure imagination to write out and create my own worlds. It's so calming and relaxing to just sit and let out what I'm thinking, feeling, imagining onto paper or the computer. I may not be as good as Stephen King or Nora Roberts, but I have faith and I have courage to not give up. It's not in me. I'm a fighter. I don't like to give up on things that are put in front of me, UNLESS in the end, they bring me down...make me depressed and doubt who I am. Sometimes I have to decide what is worth fighting for and what isn't. It's not being weak, it's being strong in knowing when to let things go. I'm tough. I have to be...maybe not HAVE to be...but I chose to be. I have a big heart, which helps me to forgive people easily and care deeply about those in my life. I give second, third, fourth, chances...I even give more, because people are NOT perfect. We are human, and make mistakes daily, and I am NOT one to judge. I've made plenty of mistakes, and I don't have that right, only God does and I leave that to him. I believe people can change if they chose to, but it has to be on their terms, with themselves and God. I KNOW I can NOT change anyone, I've seen people I love try to change others, and I've seen the heart ache. I don't want to do that, I simply want those I love to know, I'm there. Anytime. Day, night, measly hours...I won't give up on them, because they won't give up on me.  I care with my whole heart, and some people don't know how to deal with it, and it freaks them out, makes them think I'm crazy..but I'm not. Like I said, I just care so much, because my heart is so big...I don't know how to be any other way.
 I'm country. I may not live on a farm, have horses, or a big twain in my voice, but I love horses, being outside, gettin' dirty, all those things make me...me. I'm a tom boy with a girly side. I've always been a tom boy. I love sports, doin' hard work, gettin' dirty, but I also have that side where it's fun to get dressed up...go shop with the gals every now and then...that's just me.
 I'm a rock when it comes to what I believe. I'm a Christian. I have been since the 2nd grade, and God has provided for me COUNTLESS times. I've fallen away several times, but always find my way back to him. I have faith that God provides through every trial, no matter how difficult and no matter how hard they are...he provides through it all.I have that firm faith because he has proven to provide solace and comfort through so many obstacles and hurts I've been through. I believe everything happens for a reason. I know people HATE that saying, but God puts us in situations so we may learn from them, at the time, we NEVER see what that lesson is. But after...oh after it's always so clear and knowing you have this being with you, every step of the way, protecting you and showing you that "hey, yeah that situation sucked, but you had to go through it to become the person I want you to be." It's always hard to wrap my mind around especially with everything I've been through, but in the end, he's always right. I've become so much stronger as a person, more forgiving, more open with those that love me...everything happens for a reason.
  I believe in the power of prayer and what that entails. I believe God answers all of our prayers, even if it isn't in a blatant way that we can see immediately; he answers them on his own time which in the end is always perfect.  People assume there's a right and wrong way to pray...there's not. it's simply talking to God like you would a friend...because that's what he is. He loves us...no matter what we do, all we have to do is ask for forgiveness, learn from that mistake and forgive ourselves. THAT is the hardest part...and has ALWAYS been the hardest thing for me to do. Is forgive myself for the mistakes and choices I've made. In the end, I realize, if God can love me, even with all of those mistakes, why can't I love myself in return? I've FINALLY forgiven myself for all my past mistakes and choices and I'm determined to not repeat the past. That determination comes with me being stubborn. It's a good and bad trait to have and I wouldn't be me without that stubbornness.

I'm a SOUTHERN GAL. I'm a HOPELESS ROMANTIC. I'm a WRITER. I'm a CHRISTIAN. I'm STUBBORN. I'm FORGIVING. I'm a LOVER. I'm a FIGHTER. I'm a true FRIEND. I'm COUNTRY. I'm a TOM BOY. I'm an AUNT. I'm a SISTER.I'm a DAUGHTER.
 I'm built TOUGH. I'm like a ROCK.

That's me in a nutshell...there's more to me...but this...this is the important part of who I am. Take it or leave it.


God Bless y'all and enjoy this BEAUTIFUL Friday. :)

Tiffany Leigh

Keepin' the dreams goin'

Howdy y'all!

Well folks, all I can say is my first week of being 27 was full of a great deal of learning, putting my faith in God(which I should do everyday), and spending much needed time with people I love/care about.

I had quite a few realizations about myself yet again...or God decided to thrust them in my face and just say, "Tiff, you gotta move on past all this. I got it. Let it go, live your life for me and let your light shine. If you keep holding on, I can't do what I need to do to help you." I have a HORRID tendency to hold on to things thinking I've given them to God, when in fact I've still held onto them.  It's just human nature to think we can do things on our own when in fact, we really can't. I've been holding on to so much CRAP for such a long time, that now that I'm FINALLY letting it go I feel like a different person.  By different person I mean, that I'm ready to take on the world and my dreams. I'm FINALLY truly happy.  I haven't felt like this since the end of last summer and into August/September. I was so happy, full of life, and wanted to have fun and DID.  That's when my friendship with Nicole started to grow and we got close very quickly after that. I had so much fun over those months, met amazing new people, that are still part of my life and have stood by me through so much over the past months.  That's when you know you have true friends in your life, when they stand by you through thick and thin.  When other people would've given you the cold shoulder or turned their back on you because your life was just too dramatic. The people God blessed me with the last months of 2012 were definitely people whom I needed, yet didn't even realize how much I did.
It's true what they say, God puts people in your life for a reason, and the people he sent me were definitely to help me grow as a person, help keep my dreams alive, and to help me find myself again. Well they've all done just that for me, and it's taken some time but I'm happy, doing what I love, surrounded by people who care about me, and living each day to the fullest and letting my light shine.

I have a job that I truly love, and yes, I do know it's only been 2 days that I've worked, but my co-workers are so kind and they welcomed me with open arms. Offering to help me anyway they can, being open to all my questions, and telling me on my second shift, "You're gonna be great Tiff, you're fitting right in, we're all so happy to have you here." Being in customer service is not for everyone, but for me being around people is what I thrive on. It makes me happy to be in that kind of environment with people who love their job as much as me. I get to wear whatever I want...with the exception of jeans, I get to look nice..wear my cowboy boots and work in the Fort Worth Stockyards, what's better than that?  Well getting my writing out to the world and being an author would probably be better, but one dream at a time. ;)

I'm on track with my writing, whether it's on here blogging, writing poetry(which I actually like doing because it can be ANYTHING), writing short stories, or working on my novel. I've had so many people be supportive of my writing, that I just feel like I need to talk about it.  Creativity is my nitch, and even though I have a love for animals(always will) doesn't mean my heart could handle doing work with animals. I already know I wouldn't be able to handle working hands on with animals because if something happened to them my heart would break, and I would cry for them. Writing...now that was always something fun I could do...I didn't necessarily like writing papers for school...like research papers were the worst. However, when I was in second grade I remember writing just silly stories...and I remember how much I enjoyed it. I guess it was simply a hidden love of my for years, and when I found it, I didn't want to lose it because it makes me so happy and makes me feel...ME.  The dream of becoming someone with my writing is so close to happening, and it just brings an instant smile to my face to know that I took the plunge and sent out some stories. The fear is no longer holding me back, I just have to keep it from crawling back in. When you want something bad enough fear always has a way of crawling back in when you push it out. That's where God comes in though. Putting that faith in God, and knowing that EVERYTHING happens on his time table, and when HE wants it to happen.  His timing is truly perfect and I will never doubt him again...which I shouldn't have done in the first place. I am human though and I make mistakes, I'll own up to that, and them. I working on being a better person, and being the REAL me, because dang SHE IS FUN! :)

I'm keepin' the dreams goin' y'all. I'm not giving up on ANY of my dreams. If you don't dream BIG what's the point right? I have friends that are pushing me...Nicole, Nikki, Cam,Waleed, Norma, Ryan, Amber, Timmy, Ashley V, Ashley A...they all support me in all of my dreams. Telling me not to give up on them. That one day they'll happen. That endless support from them helps me to carry on along with that favorite verse I brought up in an earlier post. Philippians 4:13.  It's not in me to dream small, or have dreams that are easy to fulfill. I like to push myself and give myself something to look forward to. I know I will succeed in everything I do, because I have my family, friends, and last but not least God. "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." THAT verse gets me through each day, even when I'm having days like today, where I've been in the best of moods. :) A lyric from a Tim McGraw song also helps me, yes that's a little strange but it does. it says "With a handful of faith and a heart full of love carry on". Every time I listen to country music I remember why I love it so much. I reaches my heart and what I'm feeling. Yes, rock is fun so is some pop, but country...it has my heart. It's all about reaching for the stars and fulfilling your dreams. It's taken me awhile to find myself, and now that I have, and I'm happy, doing what I love with people I love...there is no stopping me. I can only go up from here, with God and all the amazing people in my life...I have no reason to be depressed ever again.


One day all my dreams will come true and I pray that the people that are in my life NOW, will be in my life when the dreams are no longer that...but my reality and what I do everyday.
You have to keep your dreams goin' because if you don't the devil thinks he won, and no one has time for him to win...so don't let him. :)


Well I guess that's all I have to say y'all.
God bless.

Tiffany Leigh

I really do LOVE Spring and Summer

Afternoon bloggers!

Spring and Summer in Texas are always my favorite seasons, mainly because Summer can reach all the way into October and that's when my best memories are usually made. Even though Spring is mid way through I've made some pretty dang good memories thus far; and I know that there are more to come. 

I do enjoy the month of March because I have several friends whose birthdays are in that month, along with Spring Break and St. Patrick's Day. :) Seeing as I'm Irish, I do indeed like to celebrate the holiday and hope to one day spend the holiday in Ireland.  I do have BIG dreams for myself. I only live once and I plan to live each day to the fullest. Two of my favorite moments from March have to do with two people that are very close and dear to my heart. I spent time with that young man...you know the one I mentioned in previous posts who is my "man-spiration". ( yeppers just made up a new word)  I enjoy any amount of time I'm allotted with him because he is so busy, with work, other friends, and trying to stay positive...which isn't the easiest thing for him to do. I also spent time with my dear friend Nikki, and we met Brian Louis on St. Patrick's Day and he is helping me with my writing.  Now what I mean by that my dear bloggers, is that he has two agent friends and told me if I'm serious about wanting to become a writer(and I am) that I should stop figeting and holding myself back and take the plunge and see what they have to say.  Any type of criticism is helpful.  So...I took that plunge and sent a couple stories to him, and he in turn sent them to his agent friends. I will not even begin to say that I wasn't a little scared of what the outcome would be, because that would be a blatant lie, and I don't want to lie to y'all. I was terrified honestly, mainly because one of the stories has SO much of me and my life in it...or how i want it to go...however you want to put it.  It's very close to my heart and what scared me the most about sending it was that someone would simply laugh and say it was inadequate work and that I should scrap it. Which I would not do no matter what. People are entitled to their opinions and that's fine, and I would take any criticism I received and use it to better my talent that God gave me.  

Then we move on to my birthday month and I honestly wasn't looking forward to it too much, only because I'd been on a job search for so long and was getting a little down...or more than a little down, however I tried to find the positive and I did.

I got to spend time yet again with that young man and my dear best friend Nikki, and sense my other best friend Nicole isn't here to continue making crazy memories, I have make some without her. ;) Spending days with this young man always brighten my whole mood, because we can sit and talk, sit in silence, watch movies, play video games, play pool, ANYTHING, and I enjoy his company.  His life is all hectic and he constantly kicks himself for past mistakes, talks to girls, then stops because he just gets bored I guess, or he finds something wrong. I'm not 100% sure but until he can forgive himself he isn't going to be truly happy, and he can't be with someone when he still loves his ex. Oh boy howdy does he ever still love her. Breaks my heart, but all I can do is be there for him and support him in ANY way I can. So we just spend time together and enjoy the company. :) I went to a Zac Brown Band concert with Nikki 2 days before my birthday and I have to say it was AMAZING! We weren't far from the stage and they sound, in my opinion, better live than on their CD's. :)  My love for country music has pretty much come back in full swing and my love for ALL things country is right there with it.  I found that out while listening to them sing, and I fell in love with country all over again. 

The month is almost over, and I have to say the last days of my birthday month have been just as amazing as the month itself.  I started my new job yesterday/last night and I LOVE IT! It's such a fun atmosphere and I'll have to get used to hosting again, and the computer system...putting reservations in the computer system and simply getting accustomed to the whole system in itself.  I want to do the best I can at this job, have fun, and enjoy everyone who works there. I already really like the other two hosts and they have welcomed in open arms. The GM...dad gum...he is so down to earth and easy to be around. It's such a close knit little family atmosphere and I'm so glad I found the ad on Craigslist and applied. Turns out that I went to high school with the Event Coordinator and one of the servers dates a girl I went to grade school with. I'm comfortable in the atmosphere, even though it is a 4 STAR restaurant and that will take getting used to, and so will just how the system works, but I know I'll get the hang of it. I have great teachers and they welcome any questions I have, which is a welcome change. I'll be working mostly nights starting off and I'm fine with that.  I get a week off in December and July, I get the Monday's of Memorial and Labor Day off...I mean this is a dream restaurant job. Keeping positive and knowing I can do it is all I have to do. :)

May is just around the corner and then that brings June, July, August and so on. I'm so excited to see what the next couple months bring me, and the memories that are sure to be made. Well I guess that's all I have for right now. I'm hoping to possibly hang out with some friends tonight after work , tomorrow or Monday sense I'm off.  I hope everyone enjoys this very pretty Saturday. ;)

God Bless.

Tiffany Leigh

Following the path laid before me

Hello bloggers.


I'm finding that if I put all my faith in God that he will provide me the right path to take to continue on the journey he has made for me, everything simply falls into place.

One of my all time favorite books in the bible is Philippians, and my favorite chapter is 4.  Anytime I'm in a rough patch, and feeling lower than low and the devil is pounding away on my self esteem, my hope, and me period, I turn to the Bible for solace. Yes, my friends are amazing and help me also, but in the end God is the one that provides me through.  If it weren't for HIM I wouldn't have the people in my life right now that I do.

 If I hadn't chosen to go down the path that lead me to Movie Tavern, I wouldn't have met Nicole, Norma, Ashleigh, or anyone that has had an impact on my life from that job. With a clear mind and heart I know now that Movie Tavern was such an intense learning experience for who I wanted to be, the kind of people I wanted in my life on a day to day basis, and for figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I came into contact with so many diverse personalities at that job, and each person was so utterly unique in what they brought to the table and to my life. There are so many creative souls in that company and I believe that comes with a love for movies. There was Taylor, oh Taylor. He was probably one of my favorite men at that job. He had a passion for God, Backstreet Boys, Jesse McCartney(we have most of our passions in common) and he wants to sing...and he's dang good at it. He's an amazing Christian and I'm grateful to have had any amount of time with him in my life. Oh, I can't forget Uriel, Fern, Cassie, Omar(who I've known for YEARS), Tiffany Sitton, Brent and Juan. Each one of them has such an intense passion for what they love to do.  ALL of them are creative whether it's with photography, painting, film making, sign language or singing(yes you HAVE to be creative to sing). I believe I thrived at this job because I was around so many people like myself. Who had that strong creative gene and were passionate about what they want to do with their lives. EVERY person at that job was passionate about what they wanted to do, and they will stop at NOTHING to fulfill those dreams and make their passions a reality for them. I love each and every person I came in contact at that job, even when I didn't think I would like them, they all taught me something, and I will never be able to repay them for the things they taught me about being true to who I am.

I've been at LOTS of jobs and each has taught me something different, but honestly I think Movie Tavern was EXACTLY what I needed and WHERE I needed to be for the year and a half I was there. Every job has it's negative aspects, and now that I'm out of it I can see all the positive that were hard to see while I was walking those halls. That path lead me to my now best friends, to finding the real me, and for finding my way back to what I love. I have a BAD tendency to like certain things just because my friends do, and as I've grown over the past year and a half with the friends I have now; we are all unique in our own way, like SOME of the same things, and we also have our OWN likes. We accept each other for who we are and we spread our horizons out to try new things. With doing that we either like what we find at the end of the horizon or not. Either way we were open to knew things. To me that's a HUGE deal. Being open to new things...if your'e not you'll miss out on all the little treasures God places on your path. Now, missing out on treasures...no one has time for that.

My dad and I had lunch together today, and during that lunch I got a call/voice mail from a job I interviewed at on Wednesday and NAILED the interview and got the job. I'll be starting this new job tomorrow, and I can NOT wait. My dad was the first person I wanted to share the news with because I've missed sharing so many things with him over the last 5 years and I'm trying to make up for lost time.  He sent me the best text I could have ever asked for after I told him I took the job. It said, "Great. I'm so proud of you!! Hold your own! Do something for yourself. Be prideful in everything you do!" I grew up not hearing he was proud of me often, and now every time we talk I get an "I love you" and most of the time I get a "I'm proud of you". Being a daddies girl, it means the WORLD and more to know that he is proud of me, because that's all I've ever wanted to do. I've wanted to be someone he could be proud of, and I know what you're thinking,"You have always been"; but believing that was always hard for me.  Not anymore.

I'm making time to write everyday, I'm going to set aside time to workout some each day(maybe try a free gym membership and see how I like it), and live each day like it's a blessing from God; because honestly each day I wake up is a blessing. I'll only be on this Earth one time and I need to make the most of it. Living for God, letting his light shine out of me(which it does in it's own way) having fun with friends, making new friends, taking leaps of faith, not being afraid to take chances, and of course LIVE. LAUGH.LOVE. :) I won't be afraid to put myself out there with LOVE any longer. I know God has someone amazing picked out for me, and I THINK I might know who it is, but I'm leaving it all in Gods hands because he knows my outcome.

I don't know where the end of the path I'm on will lead me, or who I will journey down it with in the future.  All I know is I'm not afraid to walk down the winding path with God, my friends, and family at my side for the journey. All I have to do is follow the bread crumbs and see where they lead me. ;)

I hope you all liked my little insightful blog. It was an eye opening couple weeks for me. I just wanted to share some of the things I've learned with all of you.

God Bless.

Tiffany Leigh

Road block ahead...but there is light to be shed on it

Well hello bloggers!

I'm now a 27 year old TEXAN GAL! I must say that with turning this age I found something VITAL out about myself. God did not build me to be at a sit down job. I need a fast pace environment to work in. I guess it's part of the creative person in me. :)

After the three days I spent as a Loan Processor...and literally sucking at it...I was expected to learn the job in 45 minutes and all that it entailed, and I must say...loan processing..NOT easy and something that can be learned in 45 minutes with systems going down every couple hours.  I have never felt so belittled at a job as I did at that job.  I was called stupid and ignorant only after being there for 3 hours. I worked my TAIL off trying to learn that job. Making myself notes so that I could do the job to the best of my abilities and THAT was not enough for them.  In the end, I believe this was a quick lesson that God was teaching me.  Just because I'm 27 doesn't mean I need an office job. Some people thrive on that environment, and it fits with their personalities perfectly. I know now that my thought process behind the fact that I needed to be in that environment was not in the least bit true. I know what I want to do in  life...I want to be a writer, teacher and possibly own my own bookstore/cafe(that's a BIG possibility and I'm still toying with that idea). For me to finish school I do believe that being in a customer service job is best for me. I enjoy the atmosphere of being around people, and moving up in companies. Training people, teaching them the job. It's who I am and I'm proud of that.

I shouldn't run from who I am, which I guess is what I was doing. Believing that just because I'm another age older I need to have an office job, when in all honesty office jobs are not me. I like working hard, whether it's the food industry or otherwise. If I could do manual labor I would, but I get to dang hot too dang quickly and I would pass out and that would simply be unacceptable. Haha. I guess you could say that the wanting an office job was the road block...or construction zone, and now that I've made my way through it, I have wide open road ahead of me. 

My dad has been in customer service for as long as I can remember, and I believe I learned a great deal of my work ethic from him. My mother has also taught me a great deal, but watching him at a young age in our store and how he dealt with  people...he taught me a great deal and I doubt he realizes that. I was asked yesterday in an interview who I learned my work ethic from and after a second I said my dad. It was true, and the man I was talking to simply smiled as I spoke about how my dad worked at our family business when we had it. I still remember how much he loved that store, and how hard it was when we had to close it. I love my dad so much and I've learned so much from him. I pride myself on being like him...I didn't use too honestly. However now, that I'm older and have been through everything I've been through, I'm so blessed to have him as a dad. I'm glad people say I look like him, in fact it puts an instant smile on my face when I hear, "you are a cookie cutter of your father." Not everyone can say that they look more like one parent than the other, but I can. I love my momma more than she will ever know, but to know I have the strong genes I have...whether they be good or not, they make me who I am. Yes , I'm stubborn beyond any amount of words, but without that stubbornness I wouldn't push myself to be the best I can be. I don't like to give up on things...I get that from my dad. It can be both good and bad...me being as stubborn as I am, however I like to try and use my stubbornness for good rather than bad. If that makes any sense whatsoever. If I weren't stubborn I wouldn't have stuck with my writing like I have and sent it to my friend to see if anything good would come of it. 

I've had so much support over the past couple months and I'm so grateful/blessed to have everyone in my life that I do.  They help me to remember the positive and the little things in life. The negative only brings us down and doesn't come from God. I thank him everyday for providing for me in any and every way. Teaching me new things about myself and teaching me that I need to depend on him. I have a HORRID tendancy to depend on other people and when I do that...I lose sight of what's important. I need to stay on track and I think...no I know I will be staying on track. With every paycheck I have from here on out I will be putting money away to get out...and to see my best friend Nicole in Florida.  She is ALWAYS telling me it's not a big deal that I haven't made it out there to see her, but she has been a rock for me through this. Sometimes I think that she may get sick of me with all the up and down behavior I've had lately. With her positive attitude and her never ending support...being here for me everyday even while she is STATES away means more to me than I could ever express to her. So, thank you Nicole for all that you've done for me. I've known you a year and a half but it feels like I've known you my whole life. Thank you for listening to me vent about boys, family, work and life in general. For ALWAYS being here for me no matter what. For being the best friend I've always wanted and never had. I trust you with my life and that is saying a lot, because you know the trust issues I've had. I love you and I''m so utterly proud of you and lucky to have you as a friend. :)

Alright now that I did that I can move on. I may be on the search now for another job, BUT I know what I'm good at, and I'm sticking with it. No more running or being afraid. I will survive through this just like I have everything else with God leading the way, and my friends and family by my side. Keeping my mind on all the positive rather than letting the negative take hold. I hate negativity and refuse to let it take hold of me ANYMORE. 

Well I hope everyone enjoyed my light bulb moment. haha. 

Have a blessed night and remainder of the week. 

Tiffany Leigh

OH, and happy early birthday to my dad. His birthday is on Friday, and I get to see him tomorrow. :) Lunch date with my dad and I CAN'T wait! :) Daddy's girl to the core. 

Friendship, Growth, Love, Loving country...all in 26 years

Holy mother of pearl...

Well it's hit me blog world. I'll be turning another year older in just 6 days, and my life is finally headed in the direction I've been wanting it to for months now. Everything is truly God's timing and I must be sure to keep my redhead wrapped around that fact from NOW ON!

I start my new job as a Loan Processor on Wednesday, and I'm very excited about this new job and the skills I'll acquire while doing this job. I've learned so much at my past jobs about the person I want to be, about the kind of jobs that I thrive at, and the kind of work I want to do when I settle down. I do believe I learned the most at my job at Movie Tavern. I got a great deal of hands on learning there, with how the company truly works, and what all goes into the job on a day to day basis.

I have the best people I could ever ask for in my life at this particular juncture, and I know they are all in my life because I need them, and because God put them here for a reason. I'm 26 almost 27, and I haven't had such an amazing supportive group of friends in ages. I honestly don't know what my life would be like without them in it, and I mean that. I feel like I've known this new group of friends since I was young, when in fact I've only known a couple of them a year or less. It always mazes me how God knows exactly the kind of people I need in my life and when I need them. I want all my childhood friends know that I cherish all of the memories I have with them, and how I wish that we could reconnect, because without those childhood friends I wouldn't know the kind of people I want/need in my life.

I've had the most crazy/insane 26 years, and honestly, even though this year has been rocky and full of moments where I was forced to stand on my own two feet and grow as a person. During the duration of this year, my relationship with my sister grew to where we could talk about writing together and what our dreams are in a way we haven't been able to in the past. My dad came back into my life and it is amazing how much stress was lifted off my shoulders when that day finally came. When my sister told me she reached out and he was open to starting over. Ever since that day, it's a blessing to know I have him back. We may not talk everyday, but it's amazing to know that I can go to him when I need advice or when I just need my dad. I'll never take him for granted again, that is for sure. I made several lifelong friendships that have helped me through some VERY rough times in my life and I love them with all my heart. The support Nicole, Norma, Nikki, Ashley, Ashleigh, Ashley, Amber, Stephanie, Cameron,Waleed, Ryan F, and Brian have been in my life has been...hard to put into words. Of all of these amazing women, and you ALL mean so much to me, but Nicole, Ashley V, Ashley A, and Nikki, I need you all to know something. Your unyielding support of everything I do is...unimaginable. You let me vent about everything that is going on in my life, and you help me through by just being yourselves. I love you more than you could ever know. Norma, Ashleigh, Amber, and Stephanie...you four are just as amazing, and I don't want you to think you don't mean as much to me, because that is simply poppycock. ;) Each one of you brightens my day with simply being yourselves, and by being there when I need you, and I'm there anytime you need me.
Now you new men in my life. Oh goodness. There are no words to describe what all of you have done for me. You all support me in your own way, and have been a shoulder for me to lean on for a different type of support than my ladies. I want to thank all of you for being real, and for not being afraid to tell me what you really think. I love you guys. :)
  We ALL support each other in our daily lives and I want y'all to know you can count on me no matter what. No matter WHAT I'm going through nothing is more important than those I love. I took steps to being out on my own, paying for health insurance and my car insurance, and saving up money and taking the proper steps to get out. Yes, I should have taken the steps sooner, but the way I look at it, it's all happening the way God planned it. Sometimes, he uses those in our lives to help give us the extra push we need. In my case, he used my best friend Nicole Ciulla to help me make these steps. My Navy best friend is taking on the world and I'm right behind her. :)
God placed a young man in my life...one that has been an amazing friend, who has taught me about myself, what I want, who I am, helped me keep up with my writing, brought country back into my life(Nicole helped with that), and showed me that being ME, is perfectly fine. We've had a roller coaster ride of a friendship and no matter what we are both going through, we always make time for each other in one way shape or form. It may not be exactly when we want it, but it's when we NEED it.

I fell in love at the age of 26....first time...ever. Not lust like it's been so many times before, but real LOVE and I have to say it's not exactly what I thought it was going to be. it's hard, complicated, fun, and worth it. :)

I can't wait to see what God has planned for me at the age of 27, and what new things I'll learn. let the fun begin in a matter of 6 days time. :)

Take care blog world. I'll chat with you later.

Tiffany Leigh